literature

A Lesson On Brick Care

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Daily Deviation

Daily Deviation

March 7, 2006
With the feel of an old, educational filmstrip, A Lesson On Brick Care by =rosesburn gives advice for those wanting a stronger, silenter kind of pet.
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Suggested by triptychr
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Literature Text

Bricks are excellent pets. As well as being cheap, clean and easy to care for, they are extremely long-lived. They are extraordinarily loyal and have few requirements for housing and feed. They are very hardy, do not trigger allergies and extremely easy to tame. They rarely scratch, but can be a nuisance if left underfoot. However, with proper treatment, you and your brick should have a long and loving relationship. The most common brick is the Common House Brick (brickus brickus), which is normally a red colour. They also appear as other colours, ranging from a creamy-white, to black. Brown is another popular colouration, as there are many shades of brown bricks. The more unusual a brick is in colour, the more expensive.

Bricks have been associated with humans for many years, but are most often used as working bricks. They have only recently been adapted as pets. Closely related to the brick is the rock (rockus granus), which has become quite popular as a pet in recent decades. Hopefully, the brick shall follow its course.

The ancient brick has developed into the brick we know today. Today, breeders aim for hardiness and longevity, as well as resistence to water.

In the following simple guide, I, Bob, Leader of the International Brick Rescue, will teach you how to care for your brick.


Step 1: Choosing Your Brick
Firstly, we strongly encourage adopting abandoned or mistreated bricks. If not, take a walk around your local neighbourhood to see if you can find a feral brick. Just be sure that it is actually abandoned and does not belong to someone. Feral bricks are often timid, hiding amongst plant life, but with a bit of tender loving care, they can be tamed into wonderful pets. Alternatively, if you're looking for fancier bricks, the local brick-store is a good place to start. When choosing a brick, look for one that is free from any chips or cracks and has a nice, even colour. Also look out for lichen and other blemishes which are very unattractive in bricks. The brick should allow you to pet it, and be friendly. Once you have picked your new brick (or rescued an abandoned brick), find it a name and head on home.

Step 2: Bringing Home Your New Brick
When you first bring home a brick, there is no need to quarantine it as with other animals, as bricks rarely carry disease. As long as your brick appears healthy, it is safe to put with other animals/bricks. If in doubt, keep the brick seperate for a few days and monitor it closely.

Step 3: Bricks And Other Pets
Remember, bricks are very social. When left alone, bricks get very miserable and may have health problems. If you did not adopt two or more bricks, another animal makes a very good companion. Rodents such as rats and mice particularly seem to get along with bricks. When introducing bricks to one another, or other pets, make sure they are introduced in neutral territory. Monitor them in case a fight starts. If this occurs, firmly seperate the brick from the other animal/brick. It is normal for the brick and other animal/brick to investigate each other, and this may include climbing on one another, touching and sniffing. Bricks may be intimidated by larger animals, but they are normally very good at handling confrontations. If the introductions go well, your new brick and the other brick/animal can be kept together in the same enclosure/cage. It is not wise to introduce male and female bricks, as mating may occur.

Step 4: Housing Your Brick
Bricks are very adaptable. They do not require much in the way of housing; a simple clean and dry environment is enough. They like to have a little bit of space to move around and play. They can even be left to roam free in your house, like a dog, as they cause very little trouble when properly trained. Most bricks are not very fond of water or other liquids; they absorb all liquid they need through regular bathing. Keep them in a nice dry place. They are not bothered by temperature, and easily adapt to hot and cold weather.

Step 5: The Brick Diet
Bricks do not require much in the way of food. In fact, they absorb all nutrients they need from air and water, as plants do. A once-a-week bath will ensure the health of your brick.

Step 6: Bathing Your Brick
Bricks need to be bathed once a fortnight, or weekly. Holding your brick firmly, spray it with water. Then you can easily scrub it if it's very dirty, or wipe it with an old flannel if it's cleaner. Then allow your brick to sunbathe outside to dry off.

Step 7: Training And Handling
Be careful when handling your brick. You should never pick your brick up by the corner, as it's an unreliable hold and dropping your brick could result in fatal injury. Hold the brick firmly, with both hands if possible, around the belly. Bricks are quite heavy, and could injure you, too, if dropped. If your brick is behaving in an unresponsive way, use the forced socialization method. To do this, hold your brick for a minimum of 20 minutes a day. Talk to it, pet it, show it you love it. Bricks are very easy to train. With a little love and affection, the brick will willingly do whatever you ask of it.


So there you have it. Go out and save some bricks.
Sincerely,
Bob
IBR Leader
Okay... This was something I wrote (with the help of ~Catgod) ages back for a website. Just found it then. It was based on something I read on another webite, but I can't remember what that website was. So yeah...
I need to work on something that isn't completely moronic for a change.

Edit: Wow, daily deviation? That was unexpected! Thanks for all the faves and comments, everyone. I really appreciate it!
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Heartmaker's avatar
This is brilliant. I simply adore texts like this; completely pointless, and written all academically.

Well, Bob, leader of the International Brick Rescue, you've convinced me to go save an abandoned brick.